God’s Free Grace Glorified (4)

More than once Mina asked her father what the marks of a true desire for God were. Her father would then answer that continued praying was a token of a true desire. This was also relayed by a visiting minister who visited Middleburg and preached there. He had also said that a continual praying to God shall be heard.

Her father handled Mina’s questions very carefully out of fear that she would seek anything else outside of Christ as a foundation for her salvation. She could begin to think that her continual praying would be grounds to exist before God.

Mina had an aversion to hypocrisy. It sickened her to see people who produced their tears for others to see. She was also astute in listening and observing if what was spoken about religious matters was real. There were those who wished to be known as a converted man or woman in order to be praised by others. She had an aversion to that. That is why she tried to say her prayers in secret so that no one else would know anything about it. It was only to her mother that she sometimes related something. She also spoke to her girlfriend, but then she would ask her not to tell anyone, for she did not want anyone to consider her a converted girl.

For her father she remained a riddle. She did not speak to him about her hidden wrestling. He only knew what she said and what he heard from her mouth. Sometimes he heard his daughter say, “Oh, Lord, let me not be absorbed in earthly things, for Thou, Lord, will come back upon it.” When she had yielded to sin, she would moan greatly; her sins would become guilt to her. It would break her father’s heart when he heard her begging unto the Lord.

In November of 1853, when she became eighteen years of age, her suffering increased greatly. She could no longer go to church. That was very difficult, for lately she had such a desire to hear God’s Word. The heavier her suffering became, the more she prayed. Her father was asked how it was with the condition of her soul. The minister could not say any more than that she was often in prayer. He dared not say anymore, for he was not sure if hers was a real conversion.

It was only to her mother that Mina spoke about it. She was afraid that she would again begin to serve the world if she would get better. Then God’s name would be blasphemed because of her. This shows that she had learned to know herself and how much love these words expressed toward God. For her father it was not so pleasant that she did not reveal anything unto him. Yet, slowly on, the minister noted that Mina had received a little hope and expectation of God’s grace. The more her suffering increased the more she received an insight upon God’s mercy.

About the turn of the year, her condition continually worsened. Her constant coughing caused the mucous membranes of her throat and lungs to become more affected. Fevers wasted her body so that day by day she became thinner, and her coughing and vomiting caused ruptures to occur in her lower abdomen. Her body was not without pain either by day or night. Also, internally she was full of grief. The Lord dealt wonderfully with her. Mina had to learn to understand the vanity of this temporal life to which she was so firmly attached.

In spite of the pain and the sorrows there were times that rays of light entered her soul. Before the sun arose, she praised the Lord with the words from Psalm 92:

It is good to sing Thy praises

And to thank Thee, O Most High,

Showing forth Thy loving-kindness

When the morning lights the sky.

It is good when night is falling

Of Thy faithfulness to tell,

While with sweet, melodious praises

Songs of adoration swell.

— Psalter 251

Sometimes she was heard to repeat out of Van Lodenstein’s Pleasurable Thoughts:

The blest restoring morning light

Sends all the mist from yesterday on flight.

In the clear and breaking sun,

See the precious Bridegroom come

and lift His head above the realm

to be greeted by wildlife, every one.

When Thy holy face is now uncovered

and greets us with a dawning sky,

Let then Thy rays of light as showers

Come down upon our darkened souls

As the morning sun, O Lord.

That we, O Lord, may thus know Thee.

(loosely translated)

When her mother saw her suffering in this way, she could not hold back her tears. She was able to compose herself, but she still had to weep.

(To be continued)

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