A Letter of Rev. G. van Reenen

— continued —

The special and wonderful leading of the Lord with the Late Rev. G. van Reenen in the way of his conversion (related by himself in a letter to a fellow-traveler to Zion).

It was a joyful time which I then experienced, but “heaven is kept for heaven,” someone once said, and I had to experience that too. That pleasant life gradually diminished. The strife started again. It is always like that, is it not? When faith is at rest in the soul and is not active, then the old enemies show up again. That old Satan and that old Adam are two loyal friends. They have made affinity together in Paradise, and this continues until the grave. Those two find their joy in vexing and causing sorrow to the new creature that lives in the heart of God’s favored people. Nehemiah once said, “For the joy of the Lord is your strength.” Therefore those two shall always try to rob us of our joy.

I do not deem it necessary to describe that strife to you. You yourself know all about it. Yet there is something I still want to say about it. Very soon already the question came: Where were my proofs that my sins were forgiven me? You do talk about it, but where is your receipt? And I had to acknowledge honestly: I had no receipt; I did know what the Lord had said, but I had no receipt. In addition, all the curses of Ebal and the woes which are in the Bible were sometimes pronounced over me, and I had no defence against them. Moreover, in those days I heard a minister preach about justification, and he portrayed it as something so terrible, and I had no knowledge of that. With me it could not go in such a terrible way; this could not be, either, because I was in agreement with God in my perdition; I loved God, loved the image of His virtues, and loved His justice. Where a person is in agreement with the Lord, there is no terror.

We should not expect identical experiences in this matter. One of God’s children passes God’s justice with more fear than another one, even though it is no less clear with that one. The one Israelite passed through the Red Sea with more fear than the other. Some looked at that terrible wall of water, others at the glorious pillar of the cloud. But at that time I did not know that yet. Needless to say, at times I lay upside down with all that was of myself. When faith rose up in my heart, then I was there; when it went to rest, then the old sentence came, and then I lay under again. Sometimes my soul would melt under the most blessed expressions of love from the Lord, and then again I was oppressed by the hellish punishments.

My soul came into awful bonds and fetters, but the Lord graciously delivered me from them by teaching me something of that spiritual chemistry from Romans 7 (geestelijke scheikunde; literally, the ability to separate). I was allowed to see so clearly and plainly the dual “I” of whom Paul speaks. With that I saw how at no time had any good ever come forth out of my own “I,” and never would come forth. I saw how I had always sought to improve my own “I,” had sought to press into God’s favor, etc. Now I saw how the Lord had taken the crown off that “I,” and how He threw that image off its pedestal and would not rest until He had totally destroyed it. Well, I was really glad when that was made clear to me. I saw, in the punishing of my own “I,” my rest, my salvation, my blessedness. I declared myself willing to help the Lord in destroying all that was of myself.

But now I saw yet another “I,” namely, the fruit of regeneration that the Lord had generated and nourished in me. That “I” was holy, did not sin, always agreed with God, and was the object of God’s favor, His love, and His cares; and now I was that before God. So I saw that I was now a two-man. I was an Esau and at the same time a Jacob; a Manasseh and at the same time an Ephraim; a Pharisee and at the same time a publican. I now realized how I had always committed the same foolishness as an Isaac, who had wished the best blessing for the eldest son, and that I, like Joseph, had taken my Father’s right hand to lay it on Manasseh’s head. However, now the Lord had always put the second son before the first. Well, what a blessed frame of heart I now had by that lesson in spiritual chemistry; now I could so clearly understand the apostle from Romans 7. That the second son might just rule over the first, and the greater serve the lesser. That was my sigh, yes, my expectation. Alas, this was not always so and most of the time just the opposite. (Do you know this part, too? Have you also learned the matters of this chemistry? In my dealings with God’s servants and God’s people, I have noticed clearly that there are not many who have learned this lesson. They speak about this two-man, but I immediately hear that at bottom they do not understand it. Generally speaking, it is more “mixing” than “separating.” You can just hear that they have never truly been placed outside of it.)

Much light upon the dealings of the Lord had been given me. When I was led in a way of breaking down, I had once said, “Lord, Thou art aiming at my perdition!” At that time I was frightened by that saying, and now I saw that I had spoken the truth. The Lord was aiming at my perdition in order to save me (whoever understands this, let him understand). Then I was a happy man again, until…that old Adam, that old “I,” whom I had thought to be dead, came up again. That old monarch showed me that he was not in agreement with losing his crown. There the strife started again. Once again everything was assailed, and whereas I sought to keep my matters standing up straight, again I was asked for my papers, and I did not have them.

— to be continued —

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