Teens and Parents

The teen years, maturing from a child to an adult, is not an easy part of life’s journey. Many dangers lie along your pathway, but God has given you parents to be your guide. When you were an infant, your parents held total responsibility for you. But as you grew, you learned to feed yourself, to crawl, to walk, and then to talk. Each step increased your personal responsibility for caring for yourself. As the years progressed, you not only grew physically, but you also matured mentally. You grew in reasoning ability and decision-making ability.

As you mature from a child to an adult, you begin to desire adult freedoms. This desire is natural and can be healthy if proper parental guidance is in place. However, this urge for independence and freedom is joined with too much eagerness and confidence. Remember that your parents have travelled many of life’s pathways already and are therefore more aware of the dangers that you will face. The power of negative peer pressure, wrong friends, and sinful temptations may not seem so strong to you at present. But your parents have witnessed many casualties from these forces — possibly they carry scars from wounds in their own lives. Therefore from a spirit of genuine love and concern, your parents will want to caution you, to hold you back, to slow you down, and to warn you about the possible dangers to be faced on the road ahead.

For your health and welfare — physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually — God has commanded your parents to exercise preventive and corrective discipline. Preventive discipline keeps you from many dangers and sins surrounding you. Corrective discipline punishes you when you have disobeyed their loving warning. The motive is to correct and turn you from unhealthy, sinful practices. Your parents sincerely love you and are more genuinely concerned for your welfare than any other adult in the world. Always remember this, especially when at times you may not agree with a decision they have made.

It is difficult for parents to “loosen their reins,” to grant you more freedom and to give you more personal responsibility. To assist your parents in this matter, but also to help you to mature in personal responsibility, it is important for you to earn their trust. The degree to which you have proven that your parents can trust you will influence the degree to which your parents will give permission when you ask to use the car, to stay at a friend’s house, or to participate in some activity. The following six items are helpful pointers to assist you in building trust with your parents:

1. Be honest with them, even when you have done wrong. They must be able to trust what you say to them if you expect them to trust you when you are out of their sight.

2. Ask for their permission; do not just assume that your parents would approve. This conveys your respect for their authority and desire to be respectful. A phone call to relate an unexpected change of plans helps to build trust. Trying to explain why after you arrive home later than required does not.

3. Convey your love to your parents. To love your parents or to show that you love them are two different things. Show your appreciation by saying, “Thanks very much, Dad!” or “That was a delicious meal, Mom!” Be willing to help with various duties and to do favors for your parents.

4. Speak with, and listen to, your parents. God has provided you with parents who have more experience in life and a true concern for your welfare. This makes them an excellent source for guidance. Your willingness and desire to discuss your concerns with them helps to build trust.

5. Try to understand your parents. Try to understand their God-given task, responsibility, and authority as parents. Try to appreciate that it is their deep love for you which makes them so concerned about your welfare. If you must speak with them about a disagreement, strive to do so in a respectful manner and in appreciation of their deep concern for you.

6. Pray for your parents. Their duties are tremendous! They are struggling to do their best, even with their faults and shortcomings.

You have the potential for either providing your parents with some of the greatest joys or the deepest sorrows any human can provide. Your relationship with your parents can be deepened and enriched during your teen years. You can grow in sharing, talking, and doing things with them on a more adult level, which is enjoyable to both you and your parents. Seek God’s grace and strive to exercise the previous six trust-building guidelines in your relationship with your parents.

Parent-child relationships are significant. Pray and work to build and maintain yours in a healthy way. Seek grace to obey God’s commandment, “Honour thy father and thy mother.” You will never be sorry.

— JWB

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