HOUSE VISITATION

Part VI

What to Speak About on House Visitation

Now some hints for house visitation. The most important part with house visitation is listening. Listening will not only say; keep my mouth closed and ears open; it is a work of the heart. Listening is not just being silent and to let others speak, it is an intensive hearing and thinking of what the other is saying. That is why it is so hard to be a good listener. Not too many people are capable of it. It is important to let people speak without interrupting them. Don’t be impatient or act surprised, for then they close their heart, and are silent. While the person is speaking digest what you hear. Try to see through the words. Behind what may be bitter words, could be the complaint of the heart. At the back of what sometimes seems a beautiful discussion one might find the malicious intent of his will. Therefore, do not disturb him with your interruptions, nod under standingly, encourage him with questioning eyes to make him feel free to speak out. If he finished and you still do not clearly see what he means and how it came about, then ask, How did this happen? What were your impressions? Why did you do this? Should you have said it like that? Often it is good for a person to talk freely for once, and tell all. That clears things up. When he feels that you are really willing to listen and can place yourself in his situation, then already you have partly won his trust so that he can take more from your answers and remarks. Therefore, practice to be a good listener. This is not easy for anyone, because it calls for much self-denial. But listening alone is not enough. You must also speak. Nevertheless, you can not speak fittingly unless you have first listened. Then after having listened attentively you must be honest to the people and say what must be said. We must have the courage to put the finger on the sore spot, however much it may hurt, even though the person involved often does not accept such from us thankfully. Spare no one because of his powerful position or sharp tongue, for then we pervert justice and the truth in the Church of Christ. Surely much courage is needed for this, but also the full knowledge of one’s official duties. When we speak about the Lord, and His service, it must be done in a simple and normal manner, not with a faked voice or a good-natured discussion, neither with a forced easiness or coarse language, but in a plain and simple manner, with the words of the Bible being the best. So there must be spoken by us with personal conviction in a warm tone of voice. They should notice that the words come out of a heart that is not a stranger to these things.

There are many elders who like to begin with their own life’s experience. We should be careful with that for our experience is never the standard rule for another. That is only the Word of God. Otherwise we are in danger of placing too much attention on ourselves instead of on the Lord. A few remarks concerning our lives can of course have a useful effect as to illustration. Only the wise will know the right time and manner. The purpose is not that afterwards it will be said, “What a faithful man that is!” but that there will be a joining and uniting to the Lord. At house visitation we meet those that talk much, and those that are silent. Tact and wisdom are needed to silence the talkative in order to give other members of the family a chance to speak as well. It is much harder to get the silent to speak. There are people with a tightly closed character who at the most will nod yes or no. How do we get these loosened? Surely not by bluntly asking them, are you converted? for then you will make them withdraw even more. The best way is to begin with them about one of the most recent sermons. Could they follow it? Ask what appealed the most to them. When you have so won their trust it could very well be that you will discover that “still waters are deep.” It can also be that they are so withdrawn and silent because of a regrettable experience in the past, when the visitors to whom they had laid open their hearts, did not keep it to themselves. It is no easy task to get those people to speak freely again. It could also be that they do not talk, because they have nothing to tell. A wise visitor must see the difference. Speak with them about the riches of the Grace of God, and try to make them jealous. There are also those who purposely remain silent. That is their defense. They would have rather cancelled the house visitation. And so they sit silent with a face that seems to say, “You will have to be pretty smart to get anything out of me.” How do we deal with such? With them we must be plainly blunt. With friendliness you will get nowhere. All your inviting questions will go unanswered. Their lips are sealed. But iron must be sharpened with iron. Handle them straight for-wardly and say, “You probably were not looking forward to house visitation. Neither does it look as though you expect much from it. You are silent all the time. Out of the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. Maybe we should turn it about and say, out of the emptiness of the heart the mouth is silent?” Maybe he will burst out all of a sudden. Just let him continue; don’t quiet him too quickly, for as he talks he will expose himself. Then a good discussion can still follow. But if he continues to keep silent in spite of everything, then speak a word of serious admonition: “You will have to speak to the Lord, and know then that an unmerciful judgement shall go over those that have been disobedient to the call of the gospel.” Be sure to remember that the least graceful need the most care.

If the house visitation shall be done rightly, then it must be done for the Lord’s sake with the definite intention to seek to advance the well being of the congregation. It must not be done because the people want to be visited once in a while, for then it will not be done out of a realization of responsibility and in the full awareness of fulfilling a holy duty, but as a task that has to be done, and therefore is done as something burdensome. The only fruit from such visits is, that the reason which led to the visit is fulfilled, namely that the people are satisfied and can no longer say, “I am never visited.” But whether they are really satisfied with such a visit is another question; and whether it truly will bring about anything that is of value, is not even a question. It must be done only for the Lord’s sake and for the benefit of the salvation of the congregation. It must take place with the greatest caution and in the realization of our inability, and in Godly dependence upon Christ’s help and grace. But also in all firmness and honesty in all gentleness.

Another requirement is: patience. When we have visited the people, admonished them, and prayed for them, yea given ourselves for them, dealt with them as if they were our own children, then we still must expect that some shall treat us with hatred and contempt. This must be born in patience and not hinder us in steadfastly doing good.

Furthermore, for the house visitation to be meaningful, our strength must not lay in generalities, but in truly speaking and dealing in accordance with the needs of the individual. Therefore a correct understanding of the inner spiritual condition is necessary. This could be called the making of a right diagnosis. How could one comfort, if the cause of the sorrow is not understood? How shall the wanderer be sent in the right direction if his error is not seen? True, there are only two kinds of people, but there are no two people alike. There is difference in character, disposition, the environment from which they come, the upbringing that was received, the calling in which they work, etc. The coming to a right diagnosis is one of the most difficult problems. Blessed is he that has the ability to discern the spirits. When the diagnosis is made, therapy must follow. Neither is that a simple matter. That which is good for the one, is bad for the other. The wise visitor must be a Jew to a Jew and a Greek to a Greek, so as to win them all.

How highly then, is the work to which the elder is called! May he do it looking prayerfully to the Lord, constrained thereto through the love of Christ, in all diligence and faithfulness. Then it will bring forth rich fruits. Then shall it be to the glorifying of God’s name and the well being of the congregation. And he will be well appreciated, and receive much boldness in the faith in Christ Jesus, hereafter entering in the joy of his Lord.

Amersfoort

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