AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF THE REV. JOHN NEWTON

(First Installment)

You have at times had pleasing reflections on that promise to the Israelites, in Deuteronomy 8:2. They were then in the wilderness, surrounded with difficulties greatly aggravated by their distrust and perverseness. They had experienced a variety of dispensations, the design of which they could not as yet understand. They frequently lost sight of God’s gracious purposes in their favor, and were much discouraged. Moses suggests to them that there was a future happy time drawing near when their journey and warfare should be finished. They should soon be put in possession of the promised land, and have rest from all their fears and troubles. Then it would give them pleasure to look back upon what they now found so uneasy to bear: “Thou shalt remember all the way which the Lord thy God led thee through the wilderness.”

The importance and comfort of these words is still greater, if we consider them in a spiritual sense, as addressed to all who are passing through the wilderness of this world to a heavenly Canaan; who, by faith in the promises and power of God, are seeking an eternal rest in that kingdom which cannot be shaken. The hope of that glorious inheritance inspires us with some degree of courage and zeal to press forward. When our eye is fixed upon the Lord, we are more than conquerors over all that would withstand our progress.

But we have not yet attained; we still feel the infirmities of a fallen nature. Through ignorance and unbelief, we often mistake the Lord’s dealings with us, and are ready to complain. If we knew all, we should rejoice.

Looking Back

But to us there is a time coming when our warfare shall be accomplished, our views enlarged, and our light increased. With what transports of adoration and love shall we look back upon the way by which the Lord led us ! We shall then see and acknowledge that mercy and goodness directed every step; we shall see that what our ignorance once called adversities and evils, were in reality blessings which we could not have done well without. Nothing befell us without a cause; no trouble came upon us sooner or pressed on us more heavily, or continued longer than our case required. Our many afflictions were, each in their place, among the means employed by divine grace and wisdom to bring us to the possession of that exceeding and eternal weight of glory which the Lord has prepared for His people.

Even in this imperfect state, though we are seldom able to judge aright about present circumstances, yet, if we look upon the years of our past, and compare what we have been brought through, with the frame of our minds under each successive period; if we consider how wonderfully one thing has been connected with another, so that what we now number among our greatest advantages, perhaps, took their first rise from incidents which we thought hardly worthy of our notice. We have sometimes escaped the greatest dangers that threatened, not by any wisdom or foresight of our own, but by the intervention of circumstances of which we neither desired nor thought. By the light offered us in the Scriptures, we may collect proof, from our narrow circle, that the wise and good providence of God watches over His people from the earliest moment of their lives, overrules and guards them through all their wanderings in a state of ignorance, and leads them in a way that they know not. God’s Wise and Good Providence

I am persuaded, that every believer will see enough in his own case to confirm this; but not all in the same degree. The outward circumstances of many have been uniform—they have known but little variety in life; and with respect to their inward change, it has been effected in a secret way, unnoticed by others, and almost unperceived by themselves. The Lord has spoken to them, not in thunder and tempest; but with a still small voice He has drawn them gradually to Himself. Though they have a happy assurance that they know and love Him, and are passed from death unto life, yet of the precise time and manner they can give little account. Others He seems to select, in order to show the exceeding riches of His grace, and the greatness of His mighty power. He suffers the natural rebellion and wickedness of their hearts to have to have full scope. While other sinners are cut off with little warning, they are spared, though sinning with a high hand, and, as it were, studying their own destruction. At length, when all who know them are expecting to hear that they are made instances of divine vengeance, the Lord, whose thoughts are high above ours, as the heavens are higher than the earth, is pleased to pluck them as brands out of the fire — to make them monuments of His mercy, for the encouragement of others. They are, beyond expectation, convinced, pardoned, and changed.

A case of this indicates a divine power no less than the creation of a world: it is evidently the Lord’s doing, and it is marvelous in the eyes of all those who are not blinded by prejudice and unbelief.

Saul of Tarsus

Persecuting Saul’s heart was full of enmity against Jesus of Nazareth, therefore he persecuted and made havoc of His disciples.

He had been a terror to the church of Jerusalem, and was going to Damascus with the same views. He was breathing out threatenings and slaughter against all that loved the Lord Jesus. He thought little of the mischief he had hitherto done. He was engaged for the suppression of the whole sect. Hurrying from house to house, from place to place, he carried menaces in his look, and repeated threatenings with every breath. The Lord Jesus, whom he hated and opposed, checked him in the height of his rage, called this bitter persecutor to the honor of an apostle, and inspired him to preach, with great zeal and earnestness, that faith which he so lately destroyed.

Colonel Gardiner

Nor are we without remarkable displays of the same sovereign efficacious grace in our times. I particularly mention the instance of the late Colonel Gardiner. If any real satisfaction could be found in a sinful course, he would have met with it. He pursued the experiment with all possible advantages. He was habituated to evil; and many uncommon, almost miraculous, deliverances made no impression on him. Yet he was made willing in the day of God’s power, and the bright example of his life, has afforded an occasion of much praise to God, and much comfort to His people.

After the mention of such, permit me to add my own name. These once eminent sinners proved eminent Christians: much had been forgiven them; they loved much. St. Paul could say, “The grace bestowed upon me was not in vain; for I labored more abundantly than they all.” Colonel Gardiner was as a city set upon a hill, a burning and a shining light; the manner of his conversion was hardly more singular than the whole course of his conversation from that time to his death.

It has not been that way with me. I must take deserved shame to myself. I have made very unsuitable returns for what I have received. If the question is only concerning the patience and long-suffering of God, the wonderful interposition of His providence in favor of an unworthy sinner, the power of His grace in softening the hardest heart, and the riches of His mercy in pardoning the enormous and aggravated transgressions, then in these respects I know no case more extraordinary than mine. Most, to whom I have related my story, have thought it worthy of being preserved.

The First Letters

I was deterred, on the one hand, by the great difficulty of writing properly when self is concerned; on the other, by the wrong use which persons of corrupt and perverse minds are often known to make of such instances. The psalmist reminds us that a reserve in these things is proper: “Come and hear, all ye that fear God, and I will declare what he hath done for my soul;” and our Lord cautions us not to “cast pearls before swine.” The pearls of a Christian are, perhaps, his choice experiences of the Lord’s power and love in the concerns of his soul. These should not be at all adventures made public, lest we give occasion to earthly and groveling souls to profane what they cannot understand.

I yielded to the judgment and request of a much-respected friend, and sent him my story in a series of eight letters. I wrote to one person, but my letters have fallen into many hands. As you and other of my friends apprehend, if my compliance with this request may be attended with some good effect, may promote the pleasing work of praise to our adorable Redeemer, or confirm the faith of some or other of His people, I am willing to obey. If God may be glorified on my behalf, and His children in any measure be comforted or instructed, by what I have to declare of His goodness, I shall be satisfied; I am content to leave all other possible consequences of this undertaking in His hands.

A More Explicit Narrative

I must again have recourse to memory, as I retained no copies of the letters. I hope you will excuse me if I do not strictly confine myself to narration, but now and then intersperse such reflections while I am writing.

I shall, therefore, if possible, write with that confidence and freedom which friendship and candor deserve.

(Continued Next Issue)

Lose not sight of Christ in this cloudy and dark day. Learn not from the world to serve Christ, but ask Himself the way. The world is a false copy, and a deceitful guide to follow.

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